• A cup of Analytics Data - Check!
• 3 Tbs. of Moz Metrics- Check!
• 5 oz. of Keyword Analysis - Check!
• 2 sprigs of Competitor Analysis - Check!
• ½ pound of Content Development -Check!
• A pinch of Social Media Strategy -Check!
• 2 cloves of Link Building Strategy - Check!
• 6 slices of Media and Ad Buys - Check!
• A serving of Copywritten Content… Wait, what?

What do you mean copywritten content?
I don’t need no stinkin’ copywriter or his crummy copywritten content.
I’m doing very fine with my assortment of content writers, all experienced specialists in their respective niches.
What do you take me for? The CEO of a Fortune 500 firm? A high-flying CB marketer?
For one of you, I could hire 10, 20, 50 perfectly capable content writers. So there!

(Note: This was based on a true story. Names have been withheld to protect the identity a certain balding Iowan. Also, the entire episode has been rewritten and embellished for added dramatic effect.No copywriters were harmed during writing.)

Here’s the thing. Probably 99% of the contents you find online (minus the spammy sites) are instructive in nature. They are meant to inform, educate and edify. The remaining 1%, meanwhile, are copywritten content generated by either copywriters or snake oil salesmen. They are essentially promotional literatures designed to trigger the urge to follow through on specifically constructed call to actions. These can be in the form of advertisements, advertorials, sales letters, VSLs and (gasp) regular web content.

Would it surprise you to learn that St. Paul outsourced the writing of thirteen books of the New Testament to a team of copywriters almost two thousand years ago in an effort to increase the conversion rates of the heathens in the Roman Empire? True story. No, it’s not. I made that up. If copywriters had indeed been involved, the world today would be a global theocracy headquartered in the Vatican.

Seriously though, since the advent of the Gutenberg printing press almost six centuries ago (and possibly earlier), copywriters have studied the craft of active and passive conversions down to the minutest details; word associations, pictures, font types (size, color and style), pricing presentation, medium (both paper and digital), spacing, paragraphing, day of the week, weather, color of underpants – you get the idea.

This complicated alchemy of science and art conspires to produce powerful copies that increase conversion rates. It isn’t enough to simply stuff ads or pages (web or otherwise) with bold colors, pretty pictures and words that rhymes. Copywriters use tested optimization techniques to increase conversion rates. Bait headlines, text flows, word associations, emotional appeals, value propositions and call-to-actions (CTAs) are all used in perfect symmetry to create a crisis in the mind of readers, forcing quicker internal resolutions leading to conversions. You’ve probably heard all of this a million times before. However, this point bears repeating: copywriters are the only segment of the marketing community that deals with the subject comprehensively.

Of course, no copywriter in the world can guarantee you anything, but your odds will certainly improve. And at the end of the day, isn’t that the name of the game? Nevertheless, incredibly, 70% of business-to-business (B2B) websites do not have call to action copies! As bad as it is for brick-and-mortar establishments, this voluntary self-handicapping is especially crippling for pure online businesses.

Words are abstract puzzles that could be constructed to create compelling call to actions. Copies, or rather, contents, devoid of CTAs, are like surly shoe salesmen. They are present, but they have inexplicably devolved into a sales funnel barricade. The late David Ogilvy, one of the titans of the copywriting world, probably thought that he had ridden the planet of this malady with his industry-groundbreaking 1959 Rolls Royce copy. Alas, it wasn't to be, and earth is still engulfed with sterile pieces masquerading as sales copies (which, to be honest, is probably a good thing for us).

Here’s a great illustration of the concept courtesy of a series of split testing conducted by Danish copywriter Michael Aagaard, detailing how the phrasing of a site’s privacy pledge triggered an almost 40% fluctuation in subscription rates!

Now, extrapolate the effect of this single sentence against to the hundreds in your website, opt-ins, product descriptions, marketing mails/emails, press releases, etc. Can you imagine the kind of organizational chaos these contents are triggering in the mind of visitors to your site? Even elements within the American Bar Association are advocating the utilization of copywriting techniques to assist their members with judges and jurors!

Just to be clear, you do not require copywriters for your entire catalogue of websites. But you sure as hell need them for your major branding, service and ecommerce sites.

With that in mind, think about this:

• What is the current conversion rate of your sites’ cold traffic?
• What is the current subscription/signup rate of your website?
• What is the current active conversation rate of your marketing emails?

We never call a mechanic to paint our car. We never call a plumber to fix our broken wooden chair. We never call a stock broker when our piano needs a tune-up. And yet, we are apparently quite okay about asking web designers, article writers, PR executives, art directors, English teachers and Mr. Johnson the baker to write the copy of our professional sites, flagship sites, B2B sites and service sites.

I don’t need no stinking copywritten content. I can funnel tens of thousands of visitors to my site at the twitch of my nose.

That maybe so, but with that level of traffic, even a 1% increment in daily conversions could grow into something substantial. And if you’re thinking that such shortfalls could be mitigated by generating more traffic, consider the volume of prospects you are burning.

Put it this way: what happens when the traffic arrives at the destination? Who or what is there to greet them? The surly shoe salesman, or your passive conversion star, the nameless and tireless sales, marketing and PR executive all rolled into one. In case you’re still unaware, said star will be present at its designated spot 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 365.25 days a year, come rain or shine.

A few more questions to ponder upon:

• Will your existing copy elevate your status and market authority in the eyes of first time visitors and regulars alike?
• Will your existing copy create an emotional connection with first time visitors and regulars alike?
• Will your existing copy drive your passive conversion rates with first time visitors and regulars alike?
• Will your existing copy entice affiliates?

Stop encouraging the tiny sliver of masochism that is inherent in all of us. Do not voluntarily self-handicap your operation. Copywriters, in spite of their narcissism, delusions of grandeur and crippling emotional issues, are good for you; just don’t leave them alone with your daughter or a 25-year-old bottle of Macallan.

And remember this, good sirs and madams; cookie-cutter approaches is not something you will get from professional copywriters. Like pets, they adopt projects. They will feed, love, and become a trifle possessive of these projects, and at times, become difficult to work with. When they eventually turn in the copy though, look deeply into their eyes, and if you’re lucky, you will glimpse a measure of pride radiating from deep inside.

So in conclusion, an apple pie is no longer an apple pie when we use bananas instead of apples in apple pies.

Ps: I bet the Romney campaign probably regretted not hiring a copy editor for their campaign last year.